What she never will have
by Nessaiya
Summary: Sometimes the truth is hard...


**Story:** Sometimes the truth is hard...

**Author's note:** Who the hell decided that Cuddy was the right Mom for this kid?

**Disclaimer:** None of them is mine… wish they were, though…

**Date:** 22.02.09

* * *

**What she never will have**

© by Eve

You should let an exhausted man sleep.

That's what he thought, being woken by the scent of her heavy perfume way before the soft clicking of her high heels on his carpet announced her presence to his conscience.

"Move your feet", she said, making him open his eyes, watching her standing there, next to where he had put up his aching legs for a rest, smiling so softly at him that he wanted to run.

Soft Cuddy never worked for anyone. For him it just meant getting chunks of his limbs sawed out.

When he didn't move she just shoved his legs aside, sitting down in front of him, looking down at the little bundle in her arms.

"We finally bonded", she announced in an awed voice, directing her pale blue eyes at him. For what, he didn't know. Should he clap or something like that? For that she managed to achieve what millions of other women did every day?

So he just shrugged his shoulders.

She ignored it.

"Just from one second to the other… I knew what she wanted. It was hard work, but…"

He sighed while listening to her babbling, as she was staring down at the baby in her hands like she'd never seen one before.

"We finally bonded", she announced again, slightly disturbed by his unresponsiveness now.

"House?"

Rolling his eyes he sat up in his chair.

"I know. I heard the shouting match over phone, remember?"

Her eyes turned hard for one second.

"If you didn't always pull stunts like these, I wouldn't have had to call."

"If you were doing your job like you're supposed to you'd have seen that it was the right thing to do. I solved the case", he replied with another shrug.

"You put the patient in danger…"

"I had the approval", House started to defend himself, but this time Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"As if Cameron would ever say no to you."

She got a growl as answer.

"She shouldn't have been here today, anyway!" House snapped, getting up from his chair to leave the room.

She was still sitting there, watching him leave with wide eyes when he turned back.

"And if I only feel something like what I witnessed today happen again I will take care that they take the little creep away from you", he treatened, making her lower her eyes.

He was gone when she finally could come up with an answer that didn't sound like "I'll never do it again…"

* * *

She had her eyes closed when the door to her room opened silently.

"Hey."

A smile appeared on her face before she opened them to look at him, leaning against the doorframe.

"I could have been sleeping", she said, making him smile back.

"I can tell when you're asleep."

Closing the door behind him he walked to the bed.

"How do you feel?"

"Exhausted. Happy. Exhausted. Happy… right now I can't actually decide what comes first", she smiled on, watching him drag a chair next to the bed.

"You should have stayed home", he said.

"Somebody has to keep you in control", she answered.

"Yah. Prefereably someone who wasn't 9 months pregnant with my kid", he replied, his eyes glued to the small hand resting on the soft swell of her breast, small lips noisily and greedily closing around the nipple.

"It was just paperwork, and you know how much I hate sitting around, doing nothing."

"That's Cuddy's job."

"Sitting around and doing nothing?" she grinned, getting a snort as answer.

"It's her job to keep me in control instead of upsetting you enough to go into labour."

"She should have known from the beginning that I can't say no to you. Bump here should have made her realize it finally", Allison Cameron smiled while House was still concentrated on her hand on the back of the baby's head. The child had stopped eating by now and was cuddling its cheek next to its hand on the soft pillow of his mother's breast and looked like it would start to purr any minute – if it only knew how to do that.

"Stop calling my son bump", he retorted before kissing her like back then when everything had started – when she came for his blood and got more than she expected.

When they both needed to come up for some air he realized that his large hand was resting on the baby's back, with Allison's small one on top of it. His own blue eyes were looking at him, not able to focus yet, but it made him smile anyway.

"Then we should come up with another name", she replied, carressing over the stubbly cheek of the man in front of her who suddenly was wearing an earnest expression.

"You're not having regrets, are you? I mean… he wasn't exactly planned… and sure is messing with your carreer now", House thoughfully said, leaning into her carresses that didn't stop.

"You're thinking about Dr. Cuddy, right?"

"She resents me for luring her away from her kid, and resents the kid for keeping her from being the dean of medicine."

"Well… I'm not Cuddy…"

"I know. It's really hard to stare down your blouse…"

That got him some rolled eyes.

"She wanted the whole package the easy way and now realizes that something is missing."

"And that would be?"

Cameron smiled at him.

"A loving man at her side. Why do you think she's running after you with the little creep?"

House looked at her for a while.

"I'm spoken for", he said then.

"She'd better realize that", Allison growled, making him shake his head at her possessiveness.

"I think I know somebody blunt enough to tell her", House smiled, watching the baby redirect his attention to his mother's milk bar.

"You know you'll have to share them with me, don't you, son?" he asked, making the woman in the bed laugh.

* * *

Unbeknownst to them the topic of their conversation was standing in the hallway, watching the man she had wanted to be a part in her daughter's life – in her life - laugh along with the woman nursing his child.

Kissing her.

Carressing the baby's back.

Envy made her mouth turn into a thin line.

She would never have something like this.

She would never feel new life growing inside her, because she had waited too long, scaring away every man on her way to the top.

He would never look at her the way he looked at Cameron.

He never had looked at her the way he looked at the younger woman who finally managed to tame that man.

She was just the bureaucrat in his life, keeping him in line at work.

Cameron was his life.

Rachel started to fuss in her seat, making her look down.

"What do you want now?" she sighed with the baby just looking at her with wide eyes.

It just was not how she had expected it to be.

That her life would make more sense now.

This was not what she wanted.

She did not look into the room again when she turned around, not wanting to see what she never would have.

**END**


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